When doors close

OK, here they are. The words I have been running away from.

Things are different for me. My reality, my life has changed once again and here I am trying to make sense of it all with these words.

I feel as though exploding is the only alternative to keep bottling up my feelings. You see, this, right now, for me is magical. Not because I think my problems fade away, but because I pour them into the world in the hopes of someone out there catches them and feels connected. And that, my friend, gives me peace.

I have a theory for why I felt the need to write today. It is because it became too much for me. Too much change. Too much adjusting. Too much expected. Too much to say goodbye to. A love, a hope, a present, a future, a whole life. Yes, all of it was only in my head and heart but it meant the world to me. And dreams matter. From the “smallest” to the “biggest” ones. They all matter because they are yours.

Along the way I have gained new opportunities that give me new direction, but still, my heart aches. And so I want to acknowledge it, then release it. I am grateful though, that even in my darkest times I feel blessed for the chance to keep trying, to grow.

Nevertheless, I cannot help but feel  I have done things the wrong way and it scares me. It scares me because I do not want to go through this pain again. So what do I do? How do I dust myself off and move forward?

Each day, one foot in front of the other I suppose. Things will fall into place. I hope so. Maybe my dreams for my life will become a reality with someone else beside me, with another view outside my window.

In the end, all I can say is: At least I gave it a shot, I gave it my all. Sometimes life sends us in a different path and that is OK. At least we tried.

Until next time world.

With love,