When doors close

OK, here they are. The words I have been running away from.

Things are different for me. My reality, my life has changed once again and here I am trying to make sense of it all with these words.

I feel as though exploding is the only alternative to keep bottling up my feelings. You see, this, right now, for me is magical. Not because I think my problems fade away, but because I pour them into the world in the hopes of someone out there catches them and feels connected. And that, my friend, gives me peace.

I have a theory for why I felt the need to write today. It is because it became too much for me. Too much change. Too much adjusting. Too much expected. Too much to say goodbye to. A love, a hope, a present, a future, a whole life. Yes, all of it was only in my head and heart but it meant the world to me. And dreams matter. From the “smallest” to the “biggest” ones. They all matter because they are yours.

Along the way I have gained new opportunities that give me new direction, but still, my heart aches. And so I want to acknowledge it, then release it. I am grateful though, that even in my darkest times I feel blessed for the chance to keep trying, to grow.

Nevertheless, I cannot help but feel  I have done things the wrong way and it scares me. It scares me because I do not want to go through this pain again. So what do I do? How do I dust myself off and move forward?

Each day, one foot in front of the other I suppose. Things will fall into place. I hope so. Maybe my dreams for my life will become a reality with someone else beside me, with another view outside my window.

In the end, all I can say is: At least I gave it a shot, I gave it my all. Sometimes life sends us in a different path and that is OK. At least we tried.

Until next time world.

With love,

Ale

Advertisements

Saying goodbye

I will never forget that feeling.

Walking away from the life I thought I would have. The life I fought so hard for. The dreams I believed in my heart I would fulfill.

I will never forget.

Walking away from you was not easy, my dear, not at all. With every step I took on that path, a scar was formed on my heart.

Walking away from the struggles, the tears, the effort, the longing, the love.

The growth.

The LOVE.

Goodbye, sweet one, the kindest one.

Goodbye…

From Ale

Duality

Hello friends,

I call you friends because there is a connection created by you, the reader, and me when you read the words I put out there in the world. A beautiful connection that gives me relief when I need it most. Some days, I feel an urge to write. I believe it is because I have no other means of expressing and releasing my inner most hidden thoughts and fears. We all have fears, some more hidden than others, but in our hearts they can be heavier to handle on our own. Today is one of those days.

There have been many unique and special circumstances in my life during these past couple of years. Yes, it has been incredibly wonderful with heights higher that I ever thought possible, but with tremendous difficulties that have brought me to my knees. In these I can see the duality of life.

“If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will ever cherish the warmth of a bright summer’s day. Nothing stimulates our appetite for the simple joys of life more than the starvation caused by sadness or desperation. In order to complete our amazing life journey successfully, it is vital that we turn each and every dark tear into a pearl of wisdom, and find the blessing in every curse.”

– Anthon St. Maarten

How unfair life seems at times. During the moments where we are at our weakest and without patience, it is very easy to let go of what we want. To give in to the fear and despair. In doing so, the thoughts that come to my mind are full of uncertainty and disbelief that my decisions are right. So how do I go on from there?

The only thing to do is keep going. This is in fact my very best attempt at my life’s circumstances. And I believe that I need to accept where I am and who I am. The latter being different from the former. Who I am is based on my values, principles and beliefs. Where I am is based on decisions and gambles I have made.

It is not easy though, it never is.

So here I am right now. Trying to make it even when I feel like I am drowning.

From my heart,

Ale

5 tips to pamper your spirit

We all have those days were we feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. Days where it is easy to forget all the good advice and positivity quotes you have ever gotten. If this sounds familiar, stick around and let’s find out together if these tips work for you and can help your spirit soar once again.

thinking

1. Go for a walk

I love nature. I never feel as sincerely at peace as I do when I am outside enjoying nature. I take one look at the sky and suddenly my world and troubles seem brighter and less heavy. Maybe because it gives me a chance to observe how the world is full of people and it is not only about me and my issues. So go outside and walk it off. Look at the world and find the beauty that surrounds you.

Take the time to observe the trees, listen to the wind and the laughter of kids. Pay attention to the hints of life that come towards you in every step you take.

2. Read a good book

I know it probably sounds contradicting that the second piece of advice is the opposite of the previous one. However, both of them help depending on your specific situation. For me, it is not always a possibility to go out on a walk given that I live in a desert climate. And let me tell you, oftentimes temperatures get very, very high and nobody wants to be walking in the sun in those conditions. So I grab my favorite book, turn on the AC and emerge myself in the author’s world.

For example, right now I have on my reading list Sherlock Holmes, Message in the bottle and a couple of not so recreational reading materials. But I decided to start reading Bridget Jones simply because I knew I loved that movie, I wanted something to make me smile and gave me comfort during these difficult times. It worked! I love getting caught in a funny British conversation with Bridget and her gang. It makes me smile in times where a smile does not come as easy.

For me, sometimes it is all about getting lost in another world while I figure out what I am going to do in mine. Maybe it has something to do with me trying to evade what troubles me. But when I am feeling overwhelmed, I think the best action to take first is work on getting rid of that overwhelming state of mind. A book helps. Then you can focus on the rest of your troubles.

3. Exercise

Bear with me, it does help I promise! It helps you lose focus on the shitty things that drag you down. It clears your head and allows your blood to flow all over your body, it gives you a push and boost of energy. It makes you feel strong and powerful. Just try it. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain. Find the perfect exercising routine for those gloomy days.

4. Go out with your best friend

Now this is an easy one that I often neglect. When I get caught up in my own head and problems I feel so shitty that I don’t even feel like hanging out with my friends. This is not always a smart idea. Going out with your friends gives you a safe place to talk about what is hurting you, to let those feeling and ideas out and listen to advice from people who loves you. And if you are not in the mood to talk, you can always have a good time just hanging out with some of your favorite people in the world. Make time for those people, they want what’s best for you.

5. Take a day to feel your feelings

This is one that I acquired only recently and it has made a huge change. I used to want to bottle my feelings and pretend to be fine with the people around me. Why in the world did I feel the need to hide my true emotions? I’ll never know. All I know is that it takes twice as much energy to pretend than to acknowledge your feelings. It is never easy, though, opening up and being vulnerable. But it has some reward, because it lets you be completely true to yourself.

On my not so great days I catch up on my favorite shows, listen to good music, do laundry (I know, weird, but hey I like it), and write. I love writing my thoughts about everything and nothing. It helps me release what creates a lump in my throat and all the crazy ideas. Now you do not necessarily have to post it online. Most of the writing that comes out during those periods really need to be proofread. I have learned this the hard way. Just write it and save it for your eyes only if you need to.

There you have it my friends, some of the things I do during my difficult days where life seems too complicated. I hope they help and can lift your spirits.

spirit

With lots of love,

Ale

Book nook: What I know for sure

There have been many books in my lifetime that have changed my view on life. From an excerpt taken from them, the idea behind them or the connections I have created with them. Books are, and always will be, a safe haven for me. A chance to travel and imagine myself in places and situations where I have never been or would love to experience.

I decided to start this series called Book nook to present those literary jewels than have shaped the woman I am today and also the ones that shape me along the way.

The first book on this series is one that I believe found its way to me all by itself.

One afternoon I decided to go to my public library and pick some books for the month. I browsed through the shelves and suddenly I stopped at one and picked it out of the bunch. It was What I know for sure by the one and only, Oprah Winfrey.

zoom_double_736998-what-i-know-for-sure-oprah-winfrey

I had never read anything by her and knowing almost nothing about her except how famous she was I decided to take it home with me. Best decision ever.

This book is filled with stories that help the reader connect to the words of wisdom this amazing lady has to offer. It inspires your heart to be kinder. Opens your mind to greater possibilities. Teaches you that whatever it is that you want to achieve in your life you can do it, it is on you to make it happen. It gives you strength.

One of the many wonderfully wise lines written in this book is this:

You live. And if you’re open to the world, you learn.

I think the idea behind What I know for sure is this very one. It is a story about all those experiences and lessons in Ms. Winfrey’s life that took her to a place of success and self-awareness. It is an insight into her mind. What a treat to take a peek in there. I don’t think you would regret it.

Now, if you are more into audio books, I will give this link to the Audiobook excerpt: What I know for sure by Oprah Winfrey (I just love it when authors are the ones that read their books, don’t you?):

Please let me know what you think and if you have any recommendations on a good and enriching book for me.

With love,

Ale

Family affairs

Alcohol consumption.

Could we please have a conversation about this topic?

I have come to realize, as an adult, that in my family it is inconceivable, even laughable for some, to have a family get together, party or a celebration, without drinking alcohol.

Granted, it is never to the point where people cannot keep their balance or a proper conversation. Nevertheless, it does make me wonder about the message this practice sends to the kids in the family. Regardless of the fact that I do not have kids, I am still concerned for kids going through life getting those messages constantly.

A message that beer is an essential part of a celebration. A message that beer is a typical word for them to use.

Personally, I do not want my kids, future kids, to make that word part of their vocabulary. I would like to provide something different. I still don’t quite know how to put it into words. All I know is that I think about how they are going to see me and I want a different context.

However, I am also aware there is not a set of steps to follow to become a “good parent”. There is no SURE PATH, ONE WAY to be a good parent. I merely pray to be the best version of me when that time comes.

On the other hand, it saddens me every single time when I try and touch the subject with some of my family members because I am perceived as ridiculous. People roll their eyes and that is the end of the conversation. Turn around, walk away.

Where is open mindedness?

Where is understanding?

And in all of this I wonder…

Am I being ridiculous?

Am I lacking an open mind?

Am I not being sympathetic?

I do not believe in pointing fingers without taking a look at my own life first. Without evaluating how I am. Because if you don’t, you become the problem or part of it as well.

3259302

In the end, my conclusion is to take the good from the situation. Which is plenty as it is. As for the actions I don’t embrace, just accept that I will do something when my time comes. We all have our paths in life, and it is not my place to lead someone else’s to my own.

Have a wonderful, safe and blessed day you beautiful person reading this.

With love,

Ale

NOTE: This post is not about judgement on anyone. I want to make it very clear. It is about expressing my point of view on a circumstance that I see and/or experience.

Afternoon walks

Today I went out for a walk. I love walks. Especially when the weather is cooperating and I can enjoy the sun in the horizon, the beautiful clouds in the sky and I people sitting outside of their homes, having a cup of coffee and talking. Seeing kids play in the park, couples hanging out and others exercising and enjoying the afternoon. I just love it. It’s the perfect excuse to appreciate your surroundings and connect to random people in the streets.

Like me today! I got to talk to another fellow dog owner who was walking his doggie, I said hi to a bunch of people walking by me and my dog and all of it with a smile on their faces. It’s nice to feel like it’s not just you out there.

One of my favorite activities to do with my boyfriend is walking. ESPECIALLY in SWEDEN. My God! Walks there are on another level. Going from basically the desert, where there is only a few days of rain in the year to a gorgeous tree covered country filled with lakes everywhere it’s MAGICAL. Every time we went out for a walk during my visits there, we saw deer. Every. Single. Time. That for me is pretty magical!! Growing up with the Disney movie Bambi as one of my favorites you can only imagine hehehe…

2015-07-22 16.04.53-1

I miss those walks. Even walking beside him here, in my Mexico, I miss them. Which is why I got inspired to write this. In order to send it to the universe.

Dear Universe, I want to go walking/hiking in Sweden. Please, allow that to happen for us as soon as possible. PS: I promise I will always be grateful and I shall respect nature and all the animals I encounter. Thanks in advance, Ale.

DSCN0571

Ok, now that I got that out my chest. Back to the talk. One of the happy aspects about being in a LDR is the fact that you get a chance to imagine many wonderful things. You get to hope and dream about the next adventure together and you get to make it a reality when you truly go after it. I love that too. Making my dreams, even the simplest ones, come true.

This post turned out to be very rambly but hopefully inspirational for my fellow LDR couples out there. Not every couple knows what it means to be apart from the person you love, so let’s stick together and share our journey through the cyber world. What do you look forward to do with your other half?

With love,

Ale

Goodbyes

Goodbyes are never easy.

We’ve said goodbye many times now.

Too many to even remember.

For a dream we could touch for a moment.

A dream blown away by boarders.

It is never easy to see you go. 

Though we know this is not forever.

Though we know this is “see you later”.

It hurts.

It breaks our hearts.

Love is not meant to be contained or restricted.

Love hurts when it cannot be free.

So, until next time my love.

Until the wind brings our dream back to us and our love can finally be free.

I love you here, I love you there, I love you everywhere.

With love,

Ale

Travel diary + family

Hello beautiful,

I left Mazatlán today. So sad. But kinda relieved. It was so hot & humid today over there. Mr boyfriend and I went to the aquarium before we left and let me tell you, it’s very nice! Despite the extreme weather conditions of the day. Very worth it. 

We visited the fishies, reptiles, birds and other amazing animals. Because it’s not just an aquarium. It also has other groups of animals to admire.

Anyway, after leaving the aquarium I started thinking about the time spent in Mazatlán. A bunch of my family members were there and it was awesome. You know how our brain jumps from one topic to the next? Yeah. This is that moment. As a post.

Having my boyfriend here to spend time with me has really made me look at my world through his eyes. Watch the events in front of me unfold with a different thought process.

We mexicans can be many things, but never uninviting. I am so lucky to have such a loving family that warms mine and his heart with various tolkens of affection. From a lunch invitation, to a special get together just ’cause he’s in town. To a heart to heart about me and him with my uncle and cousins. It truly is marvelous.

Never forget to see what’s around you. Truly see it. Feel it in your bones. Experience your life. But keep your most precious gifts close to your heart. – Ale V.

With love, 

Ale

Day 12: 30 Day LDR Challenge

How would I define love?

Love is the most powerful force that exists. It can drive you to do all the things you thought you’d never do. Remember those things that frightened you? If love is what is on the other side of that, you will do it regardless of what it’ll cost to you. Sometimes it can even cost you your principles and self love. I know that’s not good, but sometimes we can go that far to show someone how we feel. But this is a subject for another post.

Love can go wonders but it can also tear you apart. The good thing is, if it brings you to your knees it also has the unbelievable power to lift you up and take you higher than you ever dreamed of. Love is the strenght to get up and try again. To wake up in the morning with the will to try again today after you gave it your all the previous one. Love is everything.

I know that when I feel like I can’t go anymore, there’s still a quiet voice inside me that says ” yes you can, just breathe and try something different”. As I grow older I realize more and more how love is the greatest gift we have as human beings. How incredibly blessed we are to have the ability to feel love.

Even tonight as I’m writing this post, smelling the scent of a rainy day, I can feel the love around me. The beauty and magic of new begginings and endless possibilities. Love IS everywhere. We just have to open our eyes and our souls.

With love,

Ale